Ideals are not so Ideal

I used to be a person of ideals. In all honesty, I still am most of the time. Ideally I like things to be a certain way and I like to gain an understanding for them so I can prepare myself efficiently so as to avoid as many inconveniences as possible. I’ll tell you how well that one works. It doesn’t.

When I first discovered I was pregnant I was so hyped about what baby gear I would need, types of parenting, and how my baby was or wasn’t going to be. I thought I was better prepared than most moms and confidently awaited this new person who was to accompany me in my life journeys. You see, ideally, raising a baby would be an easy thing. I had no other agendas in my life, I had rid myself of my conscious fears, and the whole attachment parenting thing made sense to me. People who had sour babies, in my mind, were sour parents. Probably ones that didn’t give their child enough comfort or who were to busy feeling like their child was an inconvenient obligation. After my first child I thought I could better prepare for the second and have this one be different. The truth is, no matter how much we attempt to prepare we cannot prepare enough for life’s inconveniences. If we were actually prepared it wouldn’t be an inconvenience.

So there are three life lessons I learned in the experience of two (call them what you will) high needs, colicky, fussy babies…

1. Prepare to be unprepared.

2. Get off my damn high horse and don’t judge.

3. Ideals are not so ideal.


It’s Hard to Let Go


One of the premises that led me to minimalism was the amount of time and money I could have saved not hoarding to begin with. The hardest thing for me to part with is the wasted potential in the time and money spent on the items. I spent how much on all these items? Was it worth the cost? Did it add value to my life?

It’s a perceptional shift to see that holding onto things takes up more time and money. I used to spend a lot of time addressing what stuff to keep, how much can I sell it for, do I really need it? But then I look at just the stress it causes and even more time it takes, I’m likely to be more efficient just tossing it all out and starting over.  Because 99% of the items we own we don’t need.

In my experience, my time has been spent on stuff in these ways:

1. Organizing my garage one week during each summer.
2. Hosting an annual garage sale after that week of organizing.
3. Cleaning and dusting and replacing all the my items in my house.
4. Being distracted by color coordinating my closet, looking back at my old memory box, or flipping through the tv channels.
5. Paying bills (which takes up a lot of time when you have a lot of bills to pay).
6. Shopping, researching the best items to buy, making a list, deciding what to buy, what to put on a wish list, when to buy it.
7. Working – for more money, to buy more stuff, to pay for bigger space to keep all my stuff.
Just to name a few…

People ask us, all the time, Why we don’t have stuff? Is it because were poor? Firstly, when you think about it, what a funny perception for society to think we must be poor when we aren’t overwhelmed by stuff. And secondly, we feel we are extremely rich…

Rich in experiences, opportunity, time, connectivity, love, inspiration, gratitude, and abundance. Why? Because when we recognize the things that truly matter, usually things that don’t die out with this world and this life, we realize that we don’t need to accumulate more stuff to compensate for the potential lack we’re feeling. We have more time, less stress and more resources to do whatever we want since we aren’t chasing the “American Dream”.

So how do you start letting go?
Start with something small. Get rid of one thing, like that box of who-knows-what that you haven’t opened in years. Don’t bother opening it, just kiss it goodbye and see how good it feels. Watch how your ego challenges your mind to worry about what was inside it. Was it important? More importantly, did it add value to your life each day sitting there collecting dust in storage?

Why is it so hard for you to let go?

Stay Minimum When Expecting


Having kids can be hard. It’s so easy to accumulate more than we need from gifts, to parenting tools, and cute excessive items. In my experience, it is much easier to focus on enjoying raising our children when there is less clutter.

Here are a few tips we used to help us keep the stuff to a minimum when we were expecting:

1. Make a registry and be picky about your items – Many people put anything and everything on their registry. I ask people to stick to the registry and do not bring clothes (people still will, but it keeps the excess down).

2. Buy used – babies outgrow their cloths and utility items (swings, bouncers, etc.) so fast. And because of the tremendous amount of people who buy new, it’s easy to find nearly new items for cheap on Craigslist or a local kids used items shop, like Once Upon a Child or Kid to Kid. I find that paying less makes it easier for me to let go of the item in the future or resell it for a fair price.

3. Limit toys, focus on interactive experience – both our kids fit all their toys and books into a backpack, with the exception of bicycles and chalk. Kids will make anything a toy, so Love typically has fun with rocks, sticks, washcloths, brown paper bags, etc. She prefers to be played with. It gets us all to spend quality time with one another. When you involve your kids in everything; be it sweeping, washing dishes, folding clothes… everything becomes a game and you’re able to get stuff done together. Sometimes much slower than usual 🙂 but I find more efficiently that trying to distract the kids and make time for them later.

4. Keep tabs on accumulation, learn to let go – I clean out all the excess only to find more excess six months down the road. With kids, you cant force people to stop giving, it’s a joy to them. Be specific about what you need if they ask. If not, assess whether the item is a necessity to you and your family.
Note: Not if you “can make use of it”… Anyone can make use of anything, but does the item add value to you or your children? If it’s a new toy, what toy can you replace it with? Often people send us so many clothes after the baby is born, too many to use, I re-gift them to friends who are pregnant or have kids, I throw them up for FREE on craigslist, donate or sell to a used kids shop.

The struggle I’ve experienced with letting go is guilt and fear. Guilt for all the money I spent and feeling the stuff didn’t get their money’s worth of use and fear that I won’t be able to afford it later down the road should I find myself wanting it again. Truth is, when I am not excessive, the small amount I own gets used and I feel good about having paid for it and having value added to my life because of it. And 99% of the time I really don’t need to repurchase stuff again. When I do I can always buy used.

My rule of thumb is: If it doesn’t add value to me or my family, it drags us down.

Minimizing Smartphones

It is easy to struggle with smart phones and electronic devices taking up much of our free time.
I tend to get carried away with having the world at my finger tips! Games, social media, videos, surfing the web… IMG_4053At the end of the day, I don’t get rid of my smartphone because it is a tool that greatly adds value to my life.

Here are a few ways I reduce wasteful time on my device:

1. I turn all notifications off. Including sound, vibration, badges, banners, etc. It is rare that I must turn the ringer on for an important call. This allows me the free space to respond on my own time without feeling haggled every time my  phone makes a peep or lights up with some alert.

2. I limit the apps on my devices. Just as I consciously limit the excess in my physical belongings, I remember to limit the excess in ALL areas of my life… Including applications. I do have 2 games on my phone: candy crush & hay day, both of which I don’t spend more than 5-10 minutes on daily. I feel solving puzzles exercises my mind on candy crush, however hay day is a complete waste of time and am coming to terms with deleting it altogether.

3. I only check emails, messages, notifications, social media at set times throughout the day. I used to get bored and pick up my phone. Now if I feel that notion, I do something else. Something that adds value to myself or family; like meditating, housework, reading, or yoga.

These few practices significantly reduce my time and attachment to my phone. The biggest thing for me comes from the value I put into things relative to my phone, for example: if I put effort into posting a picture of something ego centered on Facebook, I’m more likely to feel the notion of wanting to check comments and responses to the photo. The phone makes it easy for me to become absorbed with these things.

However, once I became deliberate when using my phone and let go of it as a crutch to fill up “empty time” I found things more valuable, like quiet space for myself, focused time with my kids, a friendly conversation with the person standing in line, etc. The notion then disappears and I find value in the tool my smartphone has become for me.

Journey to Minimalism

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You all have heard me talk frequently of minimizing my stuff and keeping the acquisition of new stuff to a minimum. And most of you probably know that this approach relieves me with the stress of having to move it all or concerning myself with where to store it when we travel.

The truth is, those perks are just the icing on the cake. What led me to minimalism was the state of having it all materialistically, but being completely unhappy.

I was 19 years old when I quit college and went on to pursue bigger, better things in life. The idea of a young entrepreneur set to heart and by the time I was 21 I owned my own business as a fitness advisor with hired personal trainers, and making an average of $100 an hour. It was “the good life”.

I lived in a resort style apartment complex and spent most of my time and money keeping up with the joneses. I threw raging parties, hosted fancy dinners, and frequented Vegas and Palm Springs. If there was anyone you’d like to be friends with, it would be me.

Long story short, a series of events had me broken down, lonely, confused about who I was and what my purpose was in life. I asked, daily, for truth and to find a way to happiness. I clearly recall these words falling from my lips, “I don’t care what it takes. I don’t care how hard it is. I want to love myself and my life. I just want to be happy.”

Around the time I met my husband, I resisted the answer life had given to my request. Through much confusion, challenging moments, trial and error, I have found peace. Peace in knowing that I can be happy whenever I so choose and that my happiness is no longer based on the conditional circumstances of life.

After discovering tools and perspectives that led me to a life I love living, I look around and see a life I never could have foreseen. In fact, I see a life that would have me utterly convinced I’d be unhappy living.

I don’t own a new car or live in a resort-style complex. I no longer wear designer clothing, stylish make up, or expensive jewelry. I don’t throw parties, drink for social entertainment, or receive fancy gifts on holidays. I no longer eat out at nice restaurants, own fifty pairs of shoes, or decorate my home with lavish furniture and decor.

To my pleasant surprise however, I am no longer unhappy.

Happiness is actually quite simple and thus it makes sense that minimalism, the act of removing excess from one’s life, has simplified my experience enough to make room for happiness.

5 Reasons to Celebrate Your Toddler’s Neediness


Usually by ages 12-24 months babies and toddlers go through an independence stage. They want to make decisions, explore, do it by themselves… Yet often still beg to be held, cry when mom leaves briefly and continue to be seemingly indecisive of whether they want our presence or not. While your little one continues to venture their independence and need to check back for guidance and reassurance, here are some reasons to celebrate the process for your own benefit:

Reason #1: These are the last moments that mom is the only thing that matters.
As your child slowly grows to his independence, he learns to think, have desires and interests, and develops his own purpose in life. He will always need your love and support, but the time when mom’s love and attention are the single most important things in life is very short. Embrace this period while it lasts!

Reason #2: They Remind Us of what is Important.
Sometimes we get so caught up in our own drama of life; cleaning, running errands, paying bills, etc. that we forget why we’re doing it all. For most of us, it’s to enjoy life; our hobbies, new experiences, and our loved ones. Your toddler is reminding you not to forget the real reasons you take care of stuff. So enjoy your little loved one, the dishes can wait.

Reason #3: They Bring Us to the Present.
There’s is nothing more difficult that trying to stick to a time frame with a toddler in tote. They have no conception of time nor do they understand why they have to “hurry”. When our toddler demandingly asks for our participation and attention, it takes letting go of time to truly be present with them. Jump into the experience of timelessness with them!

Reason #4: They teach us how to unconditionally love.
The truth is, it can be difficult for most of us to remember that our toddler lives in a different world than us. A world where time and money doesn’t exist, manners and social norms don’t matter, and the only thing logical is to go with the flow of each moment. We demand and expect so much out of them and often get frustrated when they don’t cooperate or understand. If we can remember the beautiful perspective they come from, we can learn to love them and be loving towards them when they track muddy shoes in the house, pull all the eggs out of the fridge, or throw a fit leaving the playground. Unconditional Love: meaning under any condition I will love you and treat you with love.

Reason #5: They teach us to respect and accept differences in others.
As stated in Reason #4, toddlers perceive and experience the world so differently than we do. To discover their personalities, interests, and who they are is much more freeing to both you and your child, rather than to attempt to shape them the way we wish or expect them to be. We liberate ourselves, and the rest of the world, when we accept others for their differences, because we too, view and experience the world differently from one another.

Your children have come here to teach you, not the other way around. Holding them back will only hold you back.


3 Steps to Minimalism

It’s been nearly ten years since I started minimizing all my shit. (And yes, I will call it shit because most of it has served me no purpose, actually caused a heap of stress and makes me feel like shit when I think about all the time and money wasted). Nonetheless, you live and you learn and I am still learning…

After coming from a place where $160 on monthly storage rent and nearly two full walk-In closets was the norm, I sit here with “no furniture” (as our viewers so often describe it), no home decor, and a dozen articles of clothing and it still feels like too much. Now there is a happy medium for most, but where the “stuff” becomes too much for me is the emotional stress, attachment and meaninglessness that is secured in these objects.

I still spend a whole lot of time in feelings of want over items. We consider spending more money just to cargo rack or haul all our shit to our next destination. And the idea of organizing, sorting, packing and trying to make it all fit is overwhelming. Especially when I don’t use or need half things and they do not enrich my life being in my possession.

I am not saying that owning a certain number of things is either bad or good… For myself, I long for the freedom to live without feeling tied down to stuff. To let go of the responsibility of what to do with all this shit. To move, travel, and journey through life without the burden of a 1000 lbs trailer tailing behind me (because I am tired of it). I have always dragged around “my stuff” since I moved out at the young age of twelve and although I live with far less now being a family of four, plus paws, I want to be done dragging. Each time I come to this feeling I taper down more and more, but I finally realize, like breaking an addiction, I really need to break up with and get away from all of it. I can’t just have one glass here and there if I just got back from AA.

So today I want to share with you the process of how I pick and choose, as well as provide resources of where to get rid of stuff (so you can take action!)

1. I start with a room or category & ask myself, “What is the bare minimum I absolutely need.” Now NEED is a different word for each of us. Some may say that you NEED a bed to sleep on, while others argue that not owning a bed wouldn’t prevent you from sleeping if you had to. For the sake of healthy backs and a good night’s rest I choose some form of a bed to sleep on. You must decide for yourself what is an absolute need. Also, you might need the bed to sleep, but be careful not to throw in the heart shaped pillow you won from the fair in the “need” category. If you have difficulty deciding what is an actual need, you can try the PACKING PARTY to really understand what stuff you truly use.

2. See what’s left over & categorize them into want/like, or convenience/excessive. A great example, speaking of beds, are our blankets. Currently we have seven of them on the bed. Two of which are handmade quilts for the girls (want/like category), three of which we probably need to stay warm without blasting the heater, and two which I would consider just for convenience or excessive.

3. Get rid of all the things in the convenience or excessive category, with the exception of something that’s really put to use. An example of this is my thickest pillow. It’s extra and no one would ever use it because it’s too thick and hard. However, I am currently breastfeeding and at night this pillow saves my back. I will be hanging on to this item because I really use it on a daily basis and it is beneficial to my life.
Get rid of all the want/like items and if you must, choose only one to keep.

How I “Get Rid Of” my stuff:

1. Sell individual items that hold value or gift them to friends & family who would appreciate them (ie. my Canon SLR that we sent to my grandpa).

2. If items don’t sell or individualizing is too inconvenient I go to barter/trade, used item shops. This is more typical with clothes, furniture, small jewelry pieces, and non-trending electronics and you usually don’t get much, but at least it’s something. You can also try consignment shops if you think your item has value that is worth the wait, also host a good ole weekend garage sale.
– Buffalo Exchange
– Platos Closet
– Kid to Kid
– Used electronics
– Pawn Shops

3. Lastly, I donate. All the stuff I can neither sell nor give away.
– Place a FREE ad on
– host a FREE ITEMS garage sale/giveaway
– bring to Goodwill or Salvation Army

Make sure to stay tuned for my next minimizing post on how not to fall back into the cycle again, or buying new stuff. I hope this helps you! And if you have any great resources of where to sell or donate, let us know in the comments below!